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CJ teh Baker
24 February 2010 @ 09:40 pm
Last night ended in a series of poor choices. Drank 5 shots of Jager and drank a handle for a total of 20 seconds straight chug at Giuli's Bday. Probably the best drunk I was in a while but I was surprised I could even stand up straight.

Going to Start trying to keep track of my health a little bit better. Hitting the gym most every other day and sleeping a lot more regularly.

I feel like moving back home was a step in the right direction.

Having a poker face 24/7 is something I need to work on.

I really like when Indian music influences pop.

Damn this thing is pointless.
CJ teh Baker
22 February 2010 @ 11:50 pm
People take what they are given for granted. I do so on a daily basis. It's just what we do. We only realize this when it's too late and can't do anything about it.

We will continue to make the same mistakes. We will continue to cause the same problems.

Logic and emotion exist on 2 separate plains. As self aware beings it's our job to try and meet them in the middle.

with every field, with every science, with every logic, with every thought, there is always a way to measure. There is always a balance to be held. The path you leaves ripples through every other spectrum you will encounter and directly affects it.

I believe it is the nature of the world and all things in it to constantly balance. It's not interesting to us unless there is strife.

Without conflict though the world would be a boring place. I sometimes believe we can't exist without conflict.

I see it in social dynamics, relationships, music, world politic, and pretty much anything I can think of.

I should probably think this out better and quit stringing it out and compile this into something more coherent later.
CJ teh Baker
13 September 2009 @ 03:46 am
I met someone tonight

at a comic book keggar

I'm pretty drunk.

CJ teh Baker
08 August 2009 @ 01:09 pm
I am about to write this next portion stating that I truly 100% don't know everything about myself but I still have a pretty good picture of who I am. Also I feel like a complete elitist asshole when I write it but it's how I feel.

It's frustrating to see people dating people they shouldn't because they have warped perception of what love is. This is why people in general have such a high divorce rate. They associate abuse, manipulation, jealousy, and anger for someone "caring". People get married have kids get divorced and spawn off a new generation of people who hold the same values of people who truly didn't know what they wanted. These people tend to not have any form of introspect or way to evaluate themselves. Continuing to perpetuate the mistakes of their parents. Archetypes have a huge role in this. I'm not saying I'm immune to this by any means. I've fallen victim to this many times before but each time I have evaluated why things got to that level where as others, rather than facing the pain escape it (alcohol, drugs, games, books). It's annoying to know I live in a world (or at least a culture) that really doesn't give a shit. I hate this feeling of people being no thicker than a paper plate.
CJ teh Baker
30 July 2009 @ 10:46 am
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CJ teh Baker
22 July 2009 @ 12:41 am
I've decided that girls don't know what the fuck they want. They just derive all their decisions off impulse and how they feel about situations. At least this seems to be the norm. They get caught up on some guy because they don't validate them, then constantly bitch about how they don't validate them. Then they bitch to you or their friends about how they don't validate them all the while not realizing the fucking solution. It's annoying they don't realize the solution has been right fucking in front of their nose the whole time. Yet, in their insecurity choose to make a dumb move and start trying to look for another guy or cheat on their current boyfriend or look to other arms for validation. It's annoying to know you are going to be that guy just because you are understanding or are nice.

You know what I'm talking about the guy. I find myself surrounded by attracted women who all have boyfriends but have nothing much to say accept how unhappy they are. It's been this way for me since like high school. Then in lack of (in lack of better judgement) I let my feelings on the situation get the best of me and I dive head first into a shit fiesta. Hell I end up getting laid and then almost exactly 2 months later almost down to the day I get dumped and the girl tells me how much of an asshole I am all the while I'm wondering what the fuck I did wrong. It's annoying to say the least.

The only other solutions that seems to work for the majority of other people is to be a complete asshole. Yet I can't fully live wit the concept of being an asshole. I've tried. I don't think it works too much if you have a conscience. Like the time I had multiple girl friends and quite literally I just found myself catching myself saying what the fuck am I doing what the fuck am I thinking. All the while it wasn't even remotely about who I was with it was more about the rush of dating multiple people. Where I could see how that could be appealing to most but my conscience always made me nauseated eventually to the point I vomitted and then came clean with everyone.

I donno half of this shit is just out of the frustration and I don't really feel like bitching about it to anyone without it being misconstrued seeing how some of my friends I would talk to about this are girls and at least 2 of them may see it as a situation they had with me I decided to just angst about it here.

Why the fuck not.

Sometimes I feel like people expect me to be better than some shitty angst every now and then and that's fucking annoying.

alright i'm done for now.
CJ teh Baker
21 July 2009 @ 11:36 pm
240 down from 260. Lets see how much further I can go. I'm shooting for 200 in about 3 months.
CJ teh Baker
21 July 2009 @ 10:02 am
I'm thinking that today is going to yield something good.
Current Location: Casa del Baker
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights
CJ teh Baker
14 July 2009 @ 04:42 pm
I've come to the conclusion I've become numb to stimulus because I couldn't thrive or do anything else if I don't. It's either that or I'm just coping extremely well with the circumstances that I've been given.

It maybe just that I've become bitter and needed to release anger, but I feel that people are becoming a lot less like people and more like animals. Not in the sense that everyone is getting fangs and growing fur, but in general people seem to be acting more on their self serving instincts rather than learned virtue and moral. Maybe it's just a sign of the times or maybe it's just something I've noticed withing the people I've interacted with recently.

It seems to me that the people in question lack the ability to have introspect. I feel with that ability allows people to better evaluate themselves and make better choices about their lives. To know and better associate their own feelings is key to life management. Without these skills people's impulse go uncheacked and people have no way to step outside their own shoes and see someone else's life and circumstance. With the inability to show empathy or concern or see reason or purpose to do things that will better serve others rather than just themself. I feel that it's a learned attribute to fight that impulse and I feel that those who don't fight it are weak.

I'm not saying I follow this to a T nor am I trying to say I'm a saint. Though those who don't strive to this I feel are just becoming apart of the equation of the balance of things. They never learn to strive for better and constantly live in doubt of themselves and others.

getting off the high horse now and joining the angst that is LJ.

Basically, I need a vacation. A real one. I would love to go to California, but the only time I will be able to get any glimpse of a vacation would be during the one week I have in between Summer and Fall semester. However the governemnt has better plans for me, in fact that have graced me with Jury duty that week.


any way

this is my moment of zen

weather boner
Current Location: Computer Lab
Current Mood: blahwishing I were somewhere else.
Current Music: *clicking computer keys*
CJ teh Baker
08 July 2009 @ 12:51 am
shit or whatever. I just want some sanity.